I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
