I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
