i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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