so that wasnt chicken after all
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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