I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
