His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize