you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
