Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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