sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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