You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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