Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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