Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
