STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
