Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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