So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
