You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
