You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
