Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
