Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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