Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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