Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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