Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
