We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
