There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
