she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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