I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
