also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
