absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
