Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
