one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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