To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We got so high we made milksteak
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
