His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
