and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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