there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
