Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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