just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So many bounce houses so little time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
