If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
