And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
