mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
