and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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