I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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