watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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