You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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