I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize