i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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