How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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