All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the liver wants what the liver wants
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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