How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
