Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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