Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
