I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
