there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
