fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My ass is underappreciated
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
