It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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