Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need water and some morals
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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