I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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