Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
