I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
