love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize