before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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