...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
