I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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