my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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