the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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