I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
