I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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