Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
