I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
