just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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