She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
