Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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